


The Audition

by Renebu



Category: Raske Menn RPF, Ylvis
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, No Incest, brofeels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 04:39:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1674998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renebu/pseuds/Renebu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is Vegard's last year at Fana Skoleteater and he now has to compete with Bård for the lead in his final show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Audition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PonyExpress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PonyExpress/gifts).



> Written after a prompt from a tumblr friend. Not sure if it is what she had in mind, but it is what it is!

Vegard had never been so nervous before, not since right before he took the stage the first time three years ago. Since that first successful, exhilarating performance, he was slated for featured roles in every school production. He never feared performing but today was different. A new director had joined Fana Skoleteater and she expected everyone to audition for roles in the Spring show. Vegard studied the lineup of classmates for the tryouts. He would be one of the last to go, prolonging his angst.

To make things even more competitive, his brother Bård was in the mix, now old enough to appear in the main productions. Vegard usually didn't mind when Bård wanted to follow in his footsteps, but Bård had a purer voice and more classic looks, and already was poised beyond his years, although he was still a horribly immature prankster off the stage. Vegard was trying to prepare himself for Bård's sabotage of the audition, and for the possibility he might not be the star of his final show before graduation.

The one saving grace was having Calle back in town. Vegard thought to himself that Calle was aware of his talents and would be fair. Although Calle was older, he and Bård struck a fast friendship early on when the brothers started school in Fana, and Vegard and Calle had been in a few productions together before Calle left for the Navy. Calle would often be Bård's partner in crime, but he could also have a settling effect on Bård's antics, providing a voice of reason when things went too far. Now Calle was back, determined to make theater a career, and was the assistant to the new director.

"Ready for a showdown, big brother?" Bård leaned in and whispered, tugging on Vegard's long ponytail, startling the shorter one out of his worries. "Oh, you think these people are any competition?" he tried to act as cocky as Bård always seemed to be. "Nei, but there IS one person you'll need to worry about, and you're looking at him. Fana hasn't seen such talent!" Bård's face took on its most devilish grin. Vegard rolled his eyes and replied, "We will see what happens little brother, we will see."  
**************************  
Auditions began with a group process, with all the students assembled to learn a song and dance. Vegard and Bård both jockeyed for the front row, eager to show off their prowess to the new director. "You're already soaked, big brother, and we haven't even started yet!" Bård didn't need to make Vegard aware of his sweating problem, and he knew it would make Vegard even more nervous. "You're such an asshole, Bård. You know, there are lots of guys here who would be happy to hang out with their big brother and learn something. You're just determined to cause trouble!" Vegard moved to the second row, still center stage, to put some distance from the annoyance.

The rhythmic sound of a cane pounding on the stage floor quickly silenced the chatty group. Calle entered from stage right with a stern look, surveying the class. He locked his gaze with Vegard's, who was happy to see his friend's eyes soften in spite of the frown on his face. Bård reached for his old buddy's hand when he passed, but Calle resisted the greeting and gave Bård a scolding look just as Dr. Johannsen emerged from stage left, still pounding her cane on the floor as she reached front and center.

The woman was hard-looking, with a shock of white hair piled upon her head in a loose bun, wearing a long, brown, shapeless dress that nonetheless loosely hugged her thin frame as she approached the students. Vegard tried to get a glimpse of her without looking directly at her. Catching her face in the corner of his eye, it seemed to him that she had been a great beauty once, but she was now past her prime. Still with classic, angular features, but marked with the experience life brings.

She began to speak in a pleasing tone, although it had the deep, throaty sound from years of smoking. "Welcome to Fana Skoleteater. Even if you have been in productions before, I can guarantee this will be a different experience. I am Dr. Johannsen, and the Board selected me to work with you to improve the quality of this theater." She took her place just inches from Bård, but stared past him, directly at Vegard, "some of you have received great acclaim for your work, but I suspect the standards have been low. No longer will you automatically receive five or even six on the dice! You will have to work hard, and even then the result may not be good enough."

Vegard's heart sank. He does work hard! He spends hours on his craft, practicing any musical instrument he can get his hands on, singing until he is hoarse. Dancing until his feet bleed. What does SHE know about him? He could feel the sweat pouring down his back, and at that moment he wasn't sure if he was more angry at her or at his uncooperative body.

"So, let's begin," Dr. Johannsen continued. "You may know my assistant, Carl Fredrik, who is a graduate of this school." Bård chuckled audibly at the use of Calle's formal name, which usually only came out when Calle was in trouble at home. Both the director and her assistant glared at Bård. "Is there something wrong, Mr. Ylvisåker?" asked Calle. "Nei, nei, MISTER Hellevang-Larsen," said Bård, giving his friend a cheeky grin. Vegard couldn't suppress his smile, feeling vindicated for a moment, happy his stupid little brother might just do himself in.

Dr. Johannsen raised an eyebrow at the trio, "Anyway, Carl Fredrik will work with the boys in the dance studio and I will work with the girls here on stage to teach you all the song and dance number. We will return as a group in an hour for the first round of cuts. Listen to your instructor and show us what you are made of." No one in the group moved for a moment, until the director pounded her cane on the floor, "CHOP CHOP! Learn to take direction, people!"

The men scurried to follow Calle to the dance studio, with Bård sidling up to his old pal, not yet giving up, "Carl Fredrik, what's wrong with you? Don't you remember your best friend?" Calle pulled Bård aside from the pack, and asked Vegard to assemble the group and he'd be there in a moment. "Bård, don't blow this for me. If I don't make it here, it is back to deciphering Morse code in a mountain cave for the Navy. I can't give you any special treatment, and you can see the new director won't tolerate any revestraker."

Bård's face fell, but he quickly recovered when Calle whispered, "we'll catch up this weekend. I have lots to tell you." They entered the room together and they both played it off like Calle had reprimanded Bård. The hour went quickly and of course the two brothers emerged as the most naturally talented at the song and dance. Calle surmised that neither was better than the other, they just had different ways of moving and their voices were distinctively their own. It would be up to the director to decide which of his friends she favored.

When the groups returned for the large group audition, the director would tap out performers after each verse of the song. When she was finished, only 12 performers remained. The brothers had sailed through, and Dr. Johannsen was pleasantly surprised. She wasn’t as pleased with the female performers, commenting “this show is supposed to be a romance, but if I can’t find a suitable woman for the lead I may have to resort to other measures.” 

She wrote some names on a paper and handed it to Calle to post on the notice board backstage. “If you are still on stage you have at least been selected for the chorus. We will resume auditions Monday for the leading male role. Look at the notice for your name and assigned time if you are moving on.” Bård pushed past his brother to reach the list first. He smiled broadly and puffed out his chest like a rooster, “I’m up first on Monday!” Vegard rolled his eyes and saw his name at the bottom, “or she saved the best for last, you little shit.”  
Calle handed out scripts for the audition to everyone selected, “be sure you study this scene so you are ready to perform it Monday night.” Vegard glanced at it and his chest tightened. It was a love scene including a kiss. He’s still never had a romantic kiss and isn’t sure if he can pull it off. Bård laughed when he got a look at the scene and slapped his big brother on the back, “guess I’ll be practicing with my new girlfriend this weekend.”  
***************************************************************  
On Saturday night, Calle went over to the Ylvisåker’s house for dinner. It had been a long time, and Calle was glad to be back. This family was as close to him as his own and he always feels   
welcome. After dinner they went for a walk so Calle could smoke—Mamma didn’t allow that inside the house. Calle told the brothers about his time in the Navy and how one of his shipmates encouraged him to get back in the theater, “I guess he must have feared for his life if you were trying to defend our country, huh, Calle?” joked Bård. 

“Very funny, and nei, it wasn’t that,” explained the skinny blond. “He had wanted to be a comedian and never got the chance. He encouraged me to follow this dream so I wouldn’t regret it. The best times I had in school were in the theater. I would like to try to make a living at it somehow.” Bård laughed, “well I hope you like being Dr. Johannsen’s lap dog! She treats you like a slave!” Calle shook his head, “I’m learning a lot, and subservience is just part of the apprenticeship process. We all have to pay our dues.”

Vegard felt he had some big dues to pay on Monday. “So, are we going to really have to kiss and everything for the audition?” Vegard asked tentatively. “Yes, and you’d better not screw up, Vegard, if you want the lead in your last show,” Calle gave him a stern look. Bård pulled out the daggers, “well it won’t be method acting because he’s never kissed a girl before!” 

Vegard shot Bård a look of death as Calle’s jaw dropped, “What do you mean you’ve never kissed anyone? Jesus Christ, you’re almost 18!” Vegard squirmed and refused to say anything else. It was tough being the strange kid back from Africa, with everyone teasing him that he wasn’t really Norwegian with his dark looks. On top of being a big geek who couldn’t hold a conversation unless it was about science or flying, who’s going to kiss a short nerd with uncontrollable hair? The only place he felt remotely comfortable was on stage, and now even that wasn’t feeling very safe.

“It will be OK, Vegard, you’ve watched enough movies. Practice on your hand. You’ll be fine,” Calle tried to reassure his friend. Bård’s new girlfriend, Maria, came walking up the road toward them, and the younger brother perked up. “I have to take your leave, guys, I’m about to put in some serious rehearsal time!” Bård ran toward her and they took off together giggling in the distance.

Vegard looked dejected and finally said something, “Bård’s going to get the lead, isn’t he? Now that he’s ready for the senior shows, his talent is shining through.” “I wouldn’t count on it, Vegard. I think Dr. Johannsen likes you. She might think you aren’t tall enough, but since Øyvind graduated, no one is that tall in the class so it may not matter. You can’t really do anything about your height, anyway.” Calle put his arm around Vegard, giving him a friendly hug, “we’ll just pick a short girl for the lead, right?” They laughed as they headed back into the house.  
************************************************************************  
On Monday, Vegard couldn’t concentrate all day in school. He had the lines memorized for the audition scene, but he just didn’t know how he was going to have his first kiss on stage with maybe someone he didn’t even like. Or maybe it would be someone he did like, and that could be even worse! It would be so embarrassing! The last bell of the day finally rang and he slowly made his way to the auditorium.

Dr. Johannsen had all the guys sit in the first few rows and she sat behind them with a clipboard to take notes on each audition. She had a wireless microphone so the actors could hear her instructions on the stage. “I am not happy with the pool of actresses for this show, and I want to see you at your best for this audition, so I’ve asked Carl Fredrik to play opposite each of you.” Calle emerged looking as pretty as any girl at the school. He wore a form-fitting floral dress with hose and heels, and he had on a curly blond wig.

The crowd in the audience burst into laughter and wolf-whistles at the sight of their romantic interest. Calle couldn’t suppress his uncomfortable smile, and Vegard thought it made him look even more beautiful. He also noticed how shapely Calle’s legs were. One of the other guys asked, “we don’t have to kiss him, right?” Dr. Johannsen replied, “well of course you do. In this scene, Calle IS Susannah and Susannah is a SHE.”

The room became silent immediately. Bård whipped his head around to look at Vegard, and the older brother could see terror in the young one’s eyes. “First up is Bård Ylvisåker,” announced the director. “Could I defer to a later time slot, Dr. Johannsen?” Bård’s voice broke a bit as he made the request. “I really need to go to the bathroom.” He didn’t wait for a response and ran up the aisle and out the door.

Vegard almost followed after his brother, but he thought better of it, and he wanted to see what the rest of the competition looked like. The director scoffed at Bård’s retreat, but just moved on, “Allright, next on the list is Jakob Harold.” The auditions were tedious. Just because you can sing and dance doesn’t mean you can act, thought Vegard as he watched other students plod through their lines. 

He also realized he might not be the only kissing virgin getting on stage tonight. “Maybe it was just most of the guys were nervous about kissing Calle, but it seemed that some of them had no idea how to press their lips against someone else’s. He began to feel more at ease as his confidence returned. At least he would be kissing someone he liked, and Calle wouldn’t be as judgmental as some girl would be.

Bård slipped back into the theater and sat next to his brother and whispered, “I can’t do it, Vegard. I can’t kiss my best friend like that. It is too strange.” Vegard scolded his brother, “If you want to be a real actor, you’re going to have to do things like this. Don’t give up without even trying. I won’t feel right if I get the part because you quit.” Dr. Johannsen chimed in, “is there a family drama going on? You aren’t being respectful to your fellow actors.”

“Nei, not a family drama. I just would like Vegard to go before I do if it is OK,” said Bård. “You don’t have to go at all, Mr. Ylvisåker,” said Dr. Johannsen. “I don’t appreciate games. Vegard, please take the stage and begin the scene.”

Vegard was now distracted by Bård’s dilemma and it took his mind off what he was about to do. He had practiced the lines incessantly for two days and he had no problem delivering each one. He could tell from Calle’s subtle expression that he was killing it. Finally, the moment arrived…Calle/Susannah said “Only true love’s kiss will set me free.” Vegard took Susannah in his arms, dipped her down dramatically, and pressed his lips to his pretend lover’s lips. 

The lips were soft and inviting, but they tasted of smoke, Marlboro Unfiltereds to be exact. Calle responded with some mouth movement, and Vegard followed suit, catching the older one's bottom lip between his, sucking on it briefly. It felt nice. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, and it was fine. The blood was rushing through Vegard’s head, but he could faintly hear applause from the audience through the gushing sound in his ears. He lifted his partner up from the kiss, and took a triumphant bow, holding Calle’s hand through a curtsy as they both laughed at the sight.

“Very nice,” said Dr. Johannsen. “Bård, are you ready?” The younger brother still looked reluctant, but he approached the stage as Vegard passed him, giving him an encouraging look. “If I can do it, you can do it,” he whispered.

Bård began the scene, delivering the lines with as much fervor as his brother. Vegard looked on proudly, with just a tinge of envy. Why couldn’t he be that poised and pretty as either of the two on the stage? The moment of the kiss arrived, and Bård didn’t hold Calle in a dip, instead just bringing his face in closer to his friend’s. 

He hesitated, causing Calle to bring his own head forward, already beginning to pucker up. Bård burst into laughter and shouted, “I can’t do this! I just can’t do this with my best friend!” Calle began laughing too, feeling more ridiculous than ever that the director put him through this charade with the top boys at Fana school.

Dr. Johannsen didn’t appreciate the humor in the situation. “Never mind. It is clear who should have this role. Congratulations, Vegard.” Everyone gave him a round of applause, including Bård and Calle. “We will see you tomorrow night at the auditions for the role of Susannah. You’ll play this scene with the eight girls up for the role.” A new level of angst rose up through Vegard’s body, and only Calle and Bård knew why. 

They teased him later when they left school to head home. “You go from never kissing anyone, to kissing your best friend, and now you’ll kiss eight of the prettiest girls in school, all in the course of 24 hours!” shouted Bård, pushing Vegard into a trash can as they passed it along the road. Calle said, "you did well, my friend, and after tomorrow night you should have your pick of the ladies. The word will get out how good you are." Calle then pouted and said, “I hope you’ll still think I’m the best kisser after tomorrow night.” Vegard got down on one knee in front of his honey blond friend, “You’ll always be my first, Carl Fredrik. You'll always be my first.”


End file.
